The Writer
by ShootingStar911
Summary: Rachel Berry was a forgiving person.
1. Prologue

Rachel Berry knew that she had many highly detestable personality traits. She is high maintenance, a perfectionist, obnoxious, sneaky hot, has a pathological need to be accepted, conceited and perhaps too loud for her own good.

She also knows that sometimes these rather offensive traits tend to over cloud her better personality traits and despite what people do say; she does have some good ones.

Her best one being that she is actually quite forgiving.

Many people would disagree yes, but that is because they do not notice her good side. They choose to only see the bad as it makes them feel better about their own bad traits.

She forgave Finn for everything. The drive by egg throwing, choosing Quinn over her, then choosing Santana (and even _Brittany_) and deep down she has even forgiven him for lying to her about Santana, though she isn't quite ready to admit it aloud.

She has even forgiven her fellow Glee members for not realizing the talent they have with her. They are too busy to try and steal the spotlight for themselves, that they don't see that they really do in fact need her and the talent she owns.

God, she has even forgiven Shelby. For thrusting Jesse into her life and giving her a little taste of what paradise feels like and than ripping it away from her without even flinching and like always, choosing Quinn Fabray (well Quinn's daughter) over her.

Rachel figures that if she doesn't forgive people in her life, she would have an even more lonely existence than she does already.

She decides to spend time to herself. Being with Finn had clouded her dreams. She can't remember the last time she spoke about becoming the star she know she is destined to be. She digs up her animal sweaters and starts to let her bangs grow out. She never realized how much she missed the old Rachel Berry until she was forced to look in the mirror without having someone standing behind her; telling her what they wanted from her.

Rachel finally starts to catch sight of the person she use to be. The ambitious diva who everyone detested but deep down respected.

She was happy being single and discovering the old Rachel.

Finn was the only one who ever really bothered to email her, so when she comes home from ballet to find one new message flashing on her screen, her heart skips a beat for a minute. Maybe Finn was ready to forgive her or maybe he just wanted to talk or just _something_.

She dropped her bag to the floor, her heart still thundering in her chest as she clicks open.

When she sees the email address flash onto the screen, her heart stops thundering and merely sinks.

_Jesse St James_.

Of course he would sneak back into her thoughts when she thought she was finally doing ok by herself.

This world was an orchestra.

And right now Rachel Barbra Berry didn't feel much like the conductor.


	2. 001: Valerie VS Barbra

**A/N: Just letting you know that this fic takes place about three weeks after Sectional's.  
Jesse is back in California.  
Reviews= my undying devotion and love**

* * *

Emotions were not something Jesse St James did very well. They confused him and made him angry (which just made him feel melancholy), he figures this is why he fit into Vocal Adrenaline so well. They didn't have feelings or emotions into their performances; soulless automatons as Giselle so affectionately referred them too.

He was quite content with his life. There were girls (abundances of them), music, performing, the spotlight and the prestige. It was everything he needed.

Or thought he needed.

And than Rachel Berry came along and screwed everything up. His goals, his ambitions, her dreams and what he thought was right in this world.

She made him feel things he didn't know he was capable of feeling. Passion for something other than performing (and himself), rage, jealously, compassion, equivalence with someone and hurt.

Despite what he will tell people aloud. She did hurt him. With the _Run Joey Run_ fiasco (really as if you would cast the likes_ Finn Hudson_ alongside himself for the lead) and even the egg debacle, he might as well smashed that egg across his own forehead. He'd never felt his heart beat so harshly into his chest before as he stared into Rachel's big doe eyes before cruelly cracking the egg onto her forehead.

_I loved you_.

Now that part was a lie, he knew this much.

Loved meant past tense.

And the love was still very much there.

Throbbing into his chest cruelly and he would never admit this to anyone, except perhaps, Rachel herself.

He'd never hated himself more for what he gave away and all for a shiny trophy.

* * *

Rachel calmed her breathing as she stared at the email before her, it was clear who it was from. She hadn't brought herself to block his email address and _Freddie2._ was a dead give away as to who it was from.

_'Valerie will never exceed Barbra'_

That was all the email spoke. It was clear he had been at Sectional's and she wondered briefly exactly why he had bothered to go. Especially to New Direction's sector. Maybe to see them lose again? Or maybe to see what 80's rock songs they chose to perform this time.

She stops herself from writing a professional and strict email requesting that he not speak to her and to block her email address since she would be blocking his (not really though, another empty threat) but she was trying to prove she was growing up. The old Rachel Berry would have done this, overreacted and got herself into a sticky mess.

She chose to ignore it, merely closing her email and unlatching her internet and making her way downstairs for a late dinner.

Though she hardly noticed the lentil burger and egg free egg salad her daddy prepared for her.

Jesse St James. How was it that boy always managed to crowd her mind, even when he was in a completely different state?

* * *

Rachel sat away from the rest of the Glee club. A small part of her missed her spot next to Finn (which she noticed was still empty) but she ignores it and focuses on Mr. Shuester's weekly Glee assignment.

"Unspoken feelings." He states writing it hastily on the board.

"I have no idea what that means." Finn mutters under his breath and Rachel resists the urge to roll her eyes and say something snarky towards him as she refused to appear as the bitter ex.

"It means feelings you are too scared to pronounce in other way but through song." Mr. Shuester explains carefully, she hears a few murmurs break out through the group as they discuss their songs for the week.

She glances at Finn as no songs run through her head. If there was one way she had always been able to express herself, it was through her art, she had always been able to say what she never could in words through song, yet nothing was coming to mind when she thought of Finn. Perhaps they had both said everything they needed to.

"I want you to think long and hard about this ones guys, it goes much deeper than we usually do. I expect at least half of you to perform your song by the end of the week. We will start with Artie tomorrow. Class dismissed." He says, clapping his hands.

She watches as everyone gather's their things. Brittany wheeling Artie out of the room as he discusses the songs he was thinking about singing and docile Brittany always smiling and nodding her head. No doubt having no idea what he was talking about.

She slowly rises from her seat and starts to make her out of the rehearsal room.

"Rach?" She stops when she hears Finn voice behind her, she turns around. Looking at him coldly.

"Yes?" She asks, her voice portraying none of the emotions she was feeling.

"Could we maybe talk?" He asks quietly, shifting awkwardly in his stance.

"I think we have said everything we need to Finn, especially_ yourself_." Finn looks at her sadly and says nothing.

He never does.

"I was hoping that we wouldn't let everything that happened between us hurt the club, that's all." Rachel raises an eyebrow.

"I' am a professional. I hardly let my personal affairs get in the way of my professional ones. I hope you can learn do the same." Rachel turns and stalks out of the room, no doubt leaving a dumbfounded Finn behind.

She wanted nothing more than to slap him and scream at him for hurting her so much. He had led her on time and time again, yet she always found herself falling back into his embrace. Well not this time, she was stronger now because of it and she refused to look like the love struck teenage girl who constantly fell for the handsome boys advances.

It was about time Rachel Berry learnt to stand on her own two feet.

So far she was doing a better job than even she expected.

* * *

When she arrives home she isn't shocked to find no new emails or notifications on Facebook. She finds herself drawn back to Jesse's email, she sighs.

For so long she thought Finn Hudson had been her destined leading man and than he came along and changed her entire perspective. That perhaps Finn wasn't her leading man or the hero of the story after all and that Jesse was destined for this role all along.

Though, like in many stories. The Hero in the story merely turns out to be The Cad. Someone who was full of nothing but deceit and out to hurt the stunning ingénue, such as herself and sometimes the hero is the villain disguised in tin foil.

Yet now she wondered if perhaps there was no hero to rescue her from the tower, or to sing the heartbreaking duets with her. If she was the heartbroken leading lady destined to never find her one and only.

Before she can even stop herself she clicks reply, hastily writing her simple reply.

She clicks send and sighs, leaning back into her chair and biting back tears.

If she never went on to win the Oscar, than perhaps everyone should look back on this moment because in this very moment Rachel was a flawless actress.

* * *

Jesse was broken away from his studies by a loud beeping coming from his computer screen and his heart skips a beat when he sees one new message flash on the screen.

He hastily clicks open and prays it's from her (he hopes it's a heartfelt message about how she still loves him and will do anything to have him back, but he knows her better than that).

A smile comes across his features as he reads over the message.

_'Just as Freddie will always outdo Gregg' _

You can always count on Rachel Berry to be a fierce dramatic.

Even through email.


	3. 002: I Dreamed A Dance

**A/N: I have the first five chapters of this story already pre written so expect swift updates from for the first couple of chapters.  
I also think the song chosen in this chapter suits Rachel's unspoken feelings towards Jesse.  
Anyways enough from me… enjoy!  
Also I want be updating tomorrow. It's Australia Day over here, so expect one drunk lil St Berry shipper :)  
**

**

* * *

**It didn't take Rachel long to receive a reply from Jesse. She had been sitting on her bed flipping carelessly through her textbook when she hears the obnoxious sound of her email notifications. She uncurls herself from her bed and makes her way over to the computer, clicking open.

_'Touché Barbra. It's clear you aren't't having the time of your life…' _

She frowns despite herself. When they had been together she had always liked it when he called her Barbra but it almost seemed like a broken promise now. She hurriedly exits and shuts down her computer, not wanting to think about the outside world for now.

There were so many things she wanted to say to Jesse. She wanted to know why he did what he did. Did other's feelings mean that little to him? Why had he given into peer pressure and cruelly cracked that egg on her head? Why had he broken all the promises he promised?

_'You know Jesse St James; the star of Vocal Adrenaline and your competition at Regional's but I want to introduce you to Jesse; the guy whose nuts about you, the guy who would never hurt you.'_

Rachel glowered angrily into her textbook as the words spoken that day flickered through her mind. He had promised that he would never hurt her or that he would never leave her but if there was one thing Rachel had learnt so far in life, it's that people _always_ leave you in the end.

In the end it turned out, she only ever really knew Jesse St James.

She wondered briefly if_ just Jesse_ even existed.

* * *

The next day in Glee Club, after Artie had performed his chosen song for the week (Wonderwall of Broken Dreams, a perfect mash up of Wonderwall by Oasis and Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day) when the discussion of Regional's came up.

"I was thinking that perhaps Mercedes can take the main solo and that instead of having a boy and girl, we could maybe have two of the boys or two of the other girls. Tina and Quinn again perhaps." Mr. Shue said, smiling brightly at everyone.

Rachel felt her blood boil within her. Mr. Shuester was all about equality within the group but where was her equality? It was clear that she was much stronger when it came to Ballads and performing in front of a large crowd (after all she had 16 years experience), she impatiently raises her hand and Mr. Shue sighs.

"Yes Rachel?"

"Mr. Shuester I request that I have one of the solos for Regional's." She stated, she heard numerous people groan and frowned.

"Rachel we need to equal it against the group-" Mr. Shue began but Rachel cut him off.

"I sat idly by and let Santana, Quinn and Sam take the solo's for Sectional's. How is it equalling it out when you never give anyone else a solo. When was the last time you gave Artie one, Finn or myself a solo? You want to let the more quiet ones shine so badly that you forget about the rest of us and it's quite clear that I am much stronger when it comes to performing in front of large crowds than everyone here. I believe that what your doing is exceedingly unfair to the rest of us." She reasoned, her voice getting higher with every sentence.

She looked around the room and noticed that numerous people had their heads down, no doubt wanting to say something but not being bold enough.

"Is this how you all feel?" Mr. Shue asks, looking at everyone in the room. A hurt expression coming across his features.

"For once she kind of has a valid point Mr. Shue, I can't remember the last time I received a solo in a song that we have performed and the only time my voice was used was in Somebody To Love at Sectional's last year." Artie said, his head still down and avoiding eye contact.

Mr. Shue's frown deepened.

"Well why don't we have another diva off?" He asks, a few people finally look up and Rachel rolls her eyes.

"Your voting and even this group's voting in biased. It would be an unfair victory to who ever won." Rachel said dryly.

What was the point in her even competing when no one would even bother to vote her. There was no way Mr. Shue would pick her over someone else; he never did.

"Well how about to make it completely unbiased I bring in someone else to judge the competition?" He asks, looking directly at Rachel.

This would give her a much better chance at getting a solo for Regional's. She looks at him before nodding her head firmly and smiling happily to herself; this solo was hers now.

"Class dismissed." Mr. Shue says, she can hear a slight disappointed (himself? Or them?) tone in his voice.

Rachel watches as everyone flocks out of the room, she approaches Mr. Shue.

"Do you mind if I use the auditorium to rehearse my song for this?" She asks.

Mr. Shue says nothing but nods his head.

"That's fine Rachel." He finally says as Rachel is walking out of the room.

* * *

Rachel stares at the empty auditorium from the stage. One day this would all be hers, the bright spotlight shining directly down onto her as she sang 'Don't Cry for Me Argentina' to a sold out crowd.

_You singing Don't Cry for Me Argentina in front of a sold out crowd, isn't a fantasy. It's an inevitability. _

The words Jesse had spoken to her in the dance studio had sent a small spark of pride into her body. He was the only one who had ever truly believed in her and the star she was destined to become. Everyone else merely rolled their eyes and reluctantly agreed with her, no doubt to merely shut her up.

Jesse had always believed in her because he was just like her.

_They were one and the same_.

Though she never wanted to admit this aloud, especially with what happened between them but a small part of her had that inkling of hope that at least one of them made it (hopefully her) just to prove to everyone whoever said no to them, wrong.

"Rachel, are you ready?" One of the band members ask. Rachel snaps away from her thoughts ands nods her head.

The music slowly fills the auditorium.

_I saw you light the ballroom _  
_With your sparkling eyes so blue_  
_Graceful as an angel's wing_  
_I dreamed a dance with you_

Rachel hadn't only recently discovered this recent Broadway gem, she related almost straight away to the character of Natalie, though she couldn't discuss this with anyone. They just wouldn't understand (except Jesse).

_You whispered slyly, softly_  
_You told me you would be true_  
_We spun around a thousand stars_  
_I dreamed a dance with you_

She looks around the auditorium, no one had bothered to sneak into to watch her rehearse. Something Jesse had always done. She chooses to ignore the tear that threaten to fall from her eyes.

_I know the night is dying dear_  
_I know the day will dawn_  
_The dancers may disappear_  
_Still the dance goes on_  
_And on _

She wonders briefly if Jesse considers there dance over. If he had moved onto to someone else already. She had tried and ultimately failed.

_I'll walk alone tomorrow_  
_The dream of our dance is through_  
_But now until forever love_  
_I'll live to dance with you_  
_I'll dream my love_  
_I'll live my love_  
_And I'll die to dance_

She holds the last night effortlessly, the music stops with the last note. She nods in approval to the band, they sigh in relief. Usually she has something to pick at with them but not today.

She looks over the auditorium once more and sees no one there.

She finally lets the tear fall.

* * *

Jesse scurries into his room, he falls into his computer chair and pulls his laptop open. His heart sinking when he sees no new messages.

He had given her sufficient time to reply, maybe she was truly over him.

She was probably head over hells in love with Finn Hudson. Jesse will never admit it aloud but he often felt like he came second best to that uncoordinated frankenteen.

And if there was thing Jesse St James could not stand for it was being second choice.

Especially to someone clearly less superior in every way.

He often found himself wondering if smashing the egg onto her forehead and even stealing Regional's from Rachel was his way of placing twisted revenge on her. The egg of course symbolizing the way she shattered his heart so mercilessly.

Jesse had always enjoyed symbolization, it made everything so much more dramatic.

Deep down apart of him wanted Rachel to feel the pain and humiliation she caused him. He had never been nice but he'd never been cruel either. The way he acted that day had even surprised him.

Rachel Berry crushed his _heart_.

So he crushed her _dreams_.


	4. 003: Paper Hearts

**A/N: Enjoy the chapter lovelies!**

* * *

Rachel was sitting in her room intently studying her chosen song for the week when she heard a faint knock at her door, she glances up. It was no doubt one of her father's informing her dinner was ready.

"Enter!" She yells, expecting to see one of her father's walk in.

_Finn Hudson_ was one of the last people she expected to walk in. She looks at him with wide eyes.

"What are you doing here?" She asks quietly and Finn looks around nervously.

"I wanted to talk to you." Rachel raises an eyebrow, he had barely spoken two words to her at school and now he was making a visit to her home. Something was wrong.

"About?"

"Us." He murmurs and Rachel looks at him confused but says nothing.

"Why?"

"I wanted to say I'm sorry about the whole Santana thing. I was just upset that you chose Jesse over me and Santana was just kind of there, I never thought she would tell you. Especially the way she did. I've seen how lonely you've been the past couple of weeks and I think that we should get back together."

Rachel stares at Finn with wide eyes. Once again here he was, asking to get back together. If it had been six months ago she wouldn't have even given it a second thought about saying yes. She thought he was the one but she was the same immature slightly star struck little girl anymore. She had grown since that moment.

"You broke up with me Finn." Rachel says quietly. Finn shrugs.

"I was just upset over the whole Puck thing, it brought back too many bad memories of Quinn-" Rachel raises her hand to pause him, Finn hurriedly closes his mouth and looks at her expectantly.

"I'm not Quinn. _I will never be_ Quinn nor do I want to be. When are you going to realize this? Not every action I do has some ulterior motive like Quinn's often did. I feel this has always been the biggest barrier in our relationship. You could never look past the one you had with Quinn and how much she hurt her. I'm sorry Finn but I deny your request for us to date once more." Rachel said quietly, looking away.

Finn looked taken aback for a moment.

"Have you found someone else again?" He asks.

_Not necessarily someone else_, Rachel thinks but of course doesn't say this aloud.

"No I have not. I just need to be on my own for awhile. I need to find Rachel Berry again. I changed too much in our relationship Finn."

"Yeah but that was a good thing." Finn says, looking at Rachel.

"For you perhaps but not for me. I've always prided myself on never changing for anyone and than you came along and unlike our last romantic endeavour where you weren't as immersed into the relationship as I was and than after Regional's you seemed to be having as much fun as I did. I changed gradually for you, even changing my clothes, my hair and even my attitude. I want to find Rachel Berry again and become that person once more. You are unnecessary distraction in that enterprise. So once again Finn. I'm sorry but I will not get back together with you. You may leave now." Rachel explains, never once breaking eye contact with the tall boy.

Finn nods his head but doesn't say anything.

"I guess I'll see you in Glee club tomorrow then?" He asks.

"Yes you will." Rachel says nonchalantly, not looking at him as he walked out of her room.

Twenty minutes later Rachel was once again torn away from her musical studies to _'Don't Cry for Me Argentina' _ringing throughout the room. She picks up her bedazzled phone and smiles when she sees a message from Kurt.

_Finn just told everyone what happened. Food after school? I'll pick you up _

Rachel smiles to herself. When Kurt had been at McKinley they had never really gotten along but since their brief conversation at Sectional's they had surprisingly become quite close. Regularly having musical nights (and of course singing along with the songs), shopping days and lunch. Mercedes sometimes joining them also.

_Of course, sounds lovely. What time? _

She sat patiently waiting for a reply, which didn't take long. Rachel swore Kurt's phone was attached to his hip or something to that affect.

_5 sound good? I know a good place for vegan _

Rachel quickly wrote back.

_Sounds good. See you then : ) _

Maybe tomorrow wasn't going to be so bad. 

* * *

Kurt arrives at exactly 5 like he promised. Rachel was sitting on the front steps of her house, waving happily when she sees Kurt pull up the driveway, he was still in his school uniform and she can't help but think he looks like something out of The Sound of Music when he wears it.

When she gets into the car, Kurt looks at her chosen outfit with distaste. The bright red sweater with a rather large yellow duck resting securely in the middle, her signature plaid skirt and bright blue leggings.

"Really Rachel? How is it you manage to look like a toddler and an old woman at the same time?" He asks, arching an eyebrow. Rachel shrugs.

"I like these clothes thank you very much. If you remember correctly I was the only one who never made fun of you for wearing a kilt to school, so I believe you should do the same for my chosen fashion attire." Rachel stated. Kurt places his head down and says nothing.

"_Touché_." He mumbles under his breath before pulling out of the driveway.

* * *

Kurt hadn't been lying when he said the place was good for Vegan, usually there was only, on average, one vegan dish on the menu. This one had at least five, she finally decided on the Baked Lentil and Tomato Casserole.

"How do you not eat meat?" Kurt asks after he finishes ordering his Caesar salad with chicken breast. Rachel shrugs.

"My daddy is a strict vegan and he raised me that way. I've only eaten meat once and it was disgusting, all I could think of was the poor animal dying to satisfy my palate." Rachel explained casually before sipping on her icy water.

"Finn told me what happened last night. He seemed pretty upset." Kurt said finally, Rachel looks at him and than places her head down once more.

"He wanted to get back together and I rejected him. I didn't like the person I was becoming when I was with him."

"Everybody else did." Kurt said quietly, looking at the girl with sympathy.

She wasn't nearly as bad as everyone believed her to be.

"I'm not about pleasing everyone else Kurt. I have my dreams just as they have theirs and when I was with Finn, I was losing sight of those dreams. I didn't like it, everything I had spent my life working towards would have been in vain." Rachel explained and Kurt nodded in understanding.

"You _are_ very talented Rachel but you don't need to inform everyone who comes into contact with you." Kurt said gently and Rachel shrugged.

"Without my talent, I'm a rather boring and bossy person."

"There was more to breaking up with Finn wasn't there?" Kurt asks, he knows the girl well and she wouldn't just reject Finn without having more reason behind it.

She wants nothing more than to tell him that she is speaking with Jesse again but she knows Kurt would no doubt get angry and call her stupid (the boy was very blunt) and for now, she wanted it to be her secret. She refused to let anyone else's input be placed into the relationship this time around. If she was going to pursue anything with Jesse, even if it was merely a friendship, she would do it at her own pace and her own way.

"No, there honestly wasn't. I just need to discover myself once more and I can't have any outside influences pressuring me to be someone I'm not." Rachel lied, placing a subtle show face on. Kurt looked at her sceptically for a moment before nodding his head.

"You know you can always talk to me right?" He asks and Rachel smiles at him.

"And the same goes for you Kurt." She says quietly.

This friendship game wasn't so horrifying after all, Rachel decided quietly to herself.

* * *

When Kurt drops her home, he promises to try and stay in contact more often. Rachel doesn't necessarily believe him but smiles and nods her head anyways. Promising that she will do the same (she really won't but it's easier to lie).

Her father's greet her casually when she arrives home. She kisses them both goodnight before bounding up the stairs, she can still hear her father's discussing their days at works. Usually she would join them and speak of the injustice she faces while in Glee club but not tonight, there is too much on her mind.

She finds one new message flashing annoyingly on her computer. She sighs and walks over, praying it isn't from Finn. He hadn't even glanced at her when he performed his song in Glee today (ironically _Cryin_' by Aerosmith).

Her heart flutters when she sees it from Jesse, she hurriedly clicks open. Wondering what he had sent her today. He hadn't written anything to her since she didn't reply to his last email. She isn't really shocked to find a downloadable ziplock.

It doesn't take long, she clicks open. It's all MP3's of him singing songs such as _Hello, Total Eclipse of The Heart, Apologize, All out of love_- and by the fourth song she has gotten the general view of the theme, she listens to each song numerous times, it was refreshing to hear his voice again.

The last time she heard it, it had been at Regional's and it hadn't be a sweet moment between them. She shakes her head, she didn't want to have her last memories of Jesse being bad, they had so many good moments together too. Despite what everyone told her, they didn't see Jesse when he wasn't around people.

He was caring, sensitive, kind, he listened to her like he _really_ listened to her and would even add his own input into their conversations. He was the only person who ever truly knew what she was talking about half the time.

It made her heart hurt to think about him.

She clicks reply, taking in a deep breath before writing her reply.

He deserved that at least.

* * *

Jesse feels his heart sore when he hears the obnoxious sound of his email notification. He clicks open, his heart thumping annoyingly in his chest as he sees that is in fact from Rachel. Maybe his heartfelt ziplock had wooed her just like he wanted.

He reads over the message numerous times, his heart sinking more so each time.

_I'm sorry isn't the hardest sentence someone can muster. I forgive you is. _

He glances around his still practical bare room. There were a few photos scattered around the room, from his Vocal Adrenaline days but the most precious being the only photo he and Rachel had together. It was just before the Run Joey, Run incident, they had spent the day by the lake and she looked beautiful in the photo. So happy and relaxed in the photo. Two feelings Rachel rarely portrayed.

She had made him happy. More happy than he was willing to admit, she could always put a smile on his face, even if that smile was in disbelief at something she had said.

He regularly visited her Facebook page, she often updated new photos of her and Finn (something he always hated to see) but it wasn't the way her smile was forced in the photos, it was the way she looked.

She had bangs now. Rachel had told him, she would rather cut her luscious locks off rather than get _the fashionably horrible bangs_ as she so pleasantly called them.

He can't remember the last time he saw her wear one of those god awful animal sweater or bright coloured leggings.

He watched her change before his eyes and he was powerless to stop it.

People no doubt thought he hated Hudson because he took Rachel from him (rather he handed her over to him on a silver platter with a cruel smile on his face) or that he believed he wasn't as talented as Jesse (_which he was not!_).

Yet it was neither of those things that made him hate Hudson so much.

Hudson was too dumb to see an amazing thing when it was front of him.

And when he finally got that amazing rare creature.

He changed it.

If there was one thing Jesse was proud of in his relationship with Rachel it was he never made her change or wanted her to. _She was just perfect_.

Even if Rachel couldn't see it. Jesse could.


	5. 004: Holding Onto Nothing

**A/N: Enjoy the chapter. I had fun writing it.  
Please ignore the mistakes. I wrote this chapter with next to no sleep.**

* * *

Rachel wasn't surprised to hear her email notification, she clicks open and frowns as she reads over Jesse's latest email.

_I hope that one day you will be able to speak that sentence to me_

She felt like writing some callous back such as_ 'maybe if you didn't smash my heart into smithereens this wouldn't be so hard'_ but she refrains herself and instead ignores it and goes back to her studies. She really should be rehearsing her song as it was her turn for her solo in Glee tomorrow but she had the song perfected and she knew that even if it was lacklustre at best her classmates would still be impressed.

She reread the email once more before shutting down her laptop. Not wanting to think about anything at the moment. It wasn't that late yet she felt exhausted, plus she had a full day tomorrow. It was her turn to perform and she was going to give her best performance.

As she lay in bed, her mind drifted back to Jesse. She didn't think any heartache would be akin to the heartbreak Finn put her through yet than Jesse St James comes along with his charming smiling, velvety voice, charm and acceptance and made Rachel rethink everything around her. He changed her but not in the way that everyone else constantly tried to do, he changed her in the fact that he showed it was fine to be yourself, to have your ambitions and your dreams but still people will love you.

Or at least they will pretend to.

* * *

It didn't take long for the Glee club to be full. Rachel standing by the piano, talking quietly with Brad, the almost mute pianist. She had barely heard him utter two words the whole time she had been at McKinley, though he seemed nice enough. He would consistently watch the drama unfold in Glee and still sit there, a pleasant smile on his face.

Mr. Shuester finally walked, a troubled look on his face.

"Are you ok Mr. Shue?" Rachel asks as he walks past her. He looks at her and nods.

"I'm fine Rachel. Your singing today?" He asks. Rachel nods her head, still something wasn't right with their usually animate teacher.

"Well we are ready when you are." He says quietly before sitting next to Brad on the stool. Rachel frowns at him before turning to the club, clearing her throat loudly. No one paying attention. Her frowns deepens.

"Excuse me!" She yells, finally the class goes quiet. Santana looks at her, rolling her eyes but not saying anything.

"I have prepared my musical number for today. Unlike most of my musical selections, this song should not go over the heads of our less cultured and draft students." Everyone turns and glances at Brittany who was sitting next to Artie. A small smile on her pretty face.

"Hit it." She demands of the band and Brad, who nods as the music slowly fills the room.

_You and I walk a fragile line_  
_I have known it all this time_  
_But I never though I'd live to see it break_  
_It's getting dark and it's all too quiet_  
_And I can't trust anything now_  
_And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake_

Rachel looks everywhere but Finn as she begins her song. Her melodic voice filling the room. She ignores the look that Quinn and Puck share. Perhaps this song related to more people in this room than herself.

_Whoa, holding my breath_  
_Whoa, lose you again_  
_Something's made your eyes go cold_

Her minds drifts back to the day back in the parking lot with Jesse. The cold, almost uncaring look in his eyes as he viciously cracked the egg across her forehead.

_C'mon, C'mon don't leave me like this_  
_I thought I had you figured out_  
_Something's gone terribly wrong_  
_You're all I wanted_  
_C'mon, C'mon don't leave me like this_  
_I thought I had you figured out_  
_Can't breath whenever you're gone_  
_Can't turn back now_  
_I'm haunted_

A few people have begun humming along to the song quietly and Rachel suddenly wishes Kurt was here, at least she could focus on him and not worry about meeting inquisitive stares.

_Stood there and watched you walk away_  
_From everything we had_  
_But I still mean every word I said to you_  
_He will try to take away my pain_  
_And he might just make me smile_  
_But the whole I'm wishing he was you instead_  
_Oh, holding my breath_  
_Whoa, see you again_  
_Something keeps me holding onto nothing_

Rachel can't help but glance at Finn as she finishes the song. He has a hurt look on his face and she feels slightly bad, she never really stopped to think about Finn would react to this song. Yet Mr. Shue said it was unspoken feelings and this was most definitely something she had never been able to say, especially to the person the song was aimed at.

She had never been that brave.

Mr. Shue is the first to start clapping, followed by the rest of the club. A few whispering quietly amongst one another. Puck was staring at Rachel with a confused look on his face.

"That was great Rachel, great song choice. I don't mind the odd Taylor Swift either." Mr. Shue commends and Rachel smiles at him before walking away and taking her seat at the back of the room.

"After the rest of you perform your chosen songs both tomorrow and Friday, I expect all of you who want to enter the diva off to start focusing on that. It is next Friday, each of you who wish to participate can sing a song of your choosing. Just let me know if you want to sign up. Rachel and Mercedes, I already have your names down." Mr. Shue explains. Rachel smiles, she hadn't even begin thinking about songs. Her mind was far too scattered to focus on something as major as next weeks diva off.

* * *

"Berry!" Rachel hears the familiar voice of Noah Puckerman yell from across the parking lot as she makes her way towards her car, she turns and looks at the large boy running towards you.

"Noah." She greets him when he finally catch's up to her. He nods in greeting.

"Your song was different, usually you choose one of those fruity Broadway songs that only you and Kurt liked." Noah said, offering her a small smile. She smiles back at him.

"Well thank you for that almost compliment, is that why you ran after me?" She asks raising an eyebrow. Noah shakes his head.

"No. I was wondering who it was about? It was clear it wasn't about me. I mean our relationship was never that deep. Me mainly playing guitar while you made my ears hurt and than we would make out because you couldn't resist the Puckzilla any longer." He says winking at her, she laughs lightly to herself but than straightens herself up.

"It was clearly about Finn and the heart ache he has caused me." She can lie through her teeth when she needed to. Noah arches looks at her incredulously.

"I don't think so babe. Whenever you've sung about him, you've always looked at him. You looked everywhere but him, please don't tell me it was about St Jerk?"

"Jesse is far from my thoughts Noah. I assure you I' am over the heartbreak he caused me. The song was about Finn, his heartbreak is still fresh inside of me. Please respect my explanation."

Noah shrugs his shoulders "Ok cool. Just wanted to make sure that punk isn't still harassing you, that's all." He explained, Rachel offers a thankful smile.

"Thank you for looking after me Noah, now if you don't mind, I need to get to dance." She explains. Noah shrugs and starts to walk away.

He watched Rachel get into her and drive slowly out of the school parking lot. He scoffed to himself.

He knew that song (whatever it really meant) wasn't about Finn.

Noah Puckerman was stupid, but he wasn't an idiot.

* * *

"Puck!" Quinn Fabray struggled to catch up to the burly footballer, she ran across the parking lot where Puck was still standing. He turns, frowning when he sees Quinn running up to him. She had barely uttered two words to him since school began and she was still sort of with that Sam kid.

"Quinn."

"Why were you talking to Rachel?" Quinn asks inquisitively. She prayed that Puck wasn't trying to tap that again, he had failed every time. Why would this time be any different?

"Just wanting to know who the song was about today, scouts honour." Puck says, rolling his eyes. He knew Quinn far too well to know when she just wanted to talk about something.

"Weren't you kicked out of Scouts for beating up your scout master?" Quinn asks raising an eyebrow.

"Jerk deserved it." Puck said shrugging his shoulders.

"Wasn't her song about Finn?" Quinn asks, changing the subject.

She glances around the parking lot, suddenly noticing they were the only ones left. This was the first time they had been alone since that night in the hospital and it was reopening wounds she thought she would never have to face again. She shifts awkwardly, suddenly regret chasing after Puck and Rachel.

"Even I know it wasn't about Finn, you clearly would too. You know more about chick problems than I do."

"Than who do you think it was about? Yourself?" Quinn raises an eyebrow and smiles smugly at him. Puck shrugs once more.

"Hells no, our relationship wasn't that deep. I thought maybe it was about St James."

Quinn frowns, she'd never really talked to Rachel's ex-boyfriend but he saw the pain he put Rachel through and she related far too much to it, though she would never tell anyone this. She could never have something personal like that in common with _treasure trail_.

"Do you think Rachel is speaking with him again?" She asks cautiously, praying even Rachel wasn't that desperate.

"I dunno, she wouldn't tell me. I hope not. That kid really hurt her." Puck said before brushing past her, both of them stiffening when their hands brush. Quinn hurriedly pulls her hand away and says nothing as Puck walks away from her.

She stood there for a few minutes. She honestly hoped that Rachel wasn't conversing with Jesse St James once more. The boy had hurt her a lot.

And than Finn came along, been her knight in shining armour for a brief while before hurting her once more.

Though she would never say this aloud to anyone, especially the Cheerio's where she was about to go, but she didn't want to see Rachel get hurt again.

Even a girl like Rachel Berry can take so much heartbreak before breaking completely.

Quinn knew all about that breaking point far too well.

* * *

Rachel falls through her bedroom door. Today had been particularly strenuous on her. Glee Club was still fresh in her mind, than her conversation with Noah and her dance teacher had been rather spiteful towards them all today, she no doubt got turned down by another dancing school and decided to take it out on them.

She frowns when she sees her email notification flashing. Maybe Finn had emailed her, demanding an explanation for today's song choice or maybe it was Jesse. She didn't really want it to be either.

When she clicks open, she groans when she sees Jesse username flash across the screen. She hurriedly reads over the email, her frown intensifying.

_Well Barbra just remember. I don't give up easily._

Jesse wasn't a lot of things (selfless, modest, unaware, uninteresting or foolish) but if there was one thing he was, it was most definitely persistent.

Rachel had once found that trait endearing within him, but right now she was dreading it.

Whether she liked it or not Jesse St James would eventually became a major part of her life once more.

She'd never hated technology more so than right now.

* * *

"Dwarf I'm just loving the chosen wardrobe choice for today. I mean honestly, you even manage to make Zizes look hotter than you." Santana remarked as she walked past Rachel in the hallway.

Rachel frowned and looked down at her red sweater with the green frog on it. She glares at Santana before hurrying to catch up with her. Santana sneers at her.

"Move down Berry, I cannot be seen walking down the hallway with you." She snapped angrily and Rachel grips her arm, causing the pretty cheerleader to stop. She glowers at Rachel.

"Hobbit do you mind-"

"Yes Santana I do in fact mind. Why must you consistently put me down? What did I ever do to you to make you act so cruel towards me? Because Finn likes me more or because you'll never be the girl that the boys fall in love with?" Rachel is even taken aback by her harshness of how she spoke to Santana; who in return was glaring down at Rachel, a look of indifference coming across Santana's face.

"Watch yourself midget. Wouldn't want to have your clothes flushed down the toilet during gym would we?" Santana threatens before clicking her tongue and continuing to strut down the hallway, numerous boys turning to look at her.

Rachel frowns and looks down, she could perhaps never win the endless battle that was high school.

* * *

Rachel isn't sure why she is shocked (and hurt) when she does in fact find her clothes resting in the toilets after a arduous gym lesson (Figgins had recently brought back in mandatory gym class). She bites back the tears as she hears the cruel laughter coming from the locker room.

She hurriedly gathers her things before running out of the locker room, ignoring the concern looks of Noah and Mike when she brushes past them in the hallway.

She walks out into the quad, it was empty except the few senior's who had free study periods. She reaches for her phone, calling the number before her mind can stop and rationalize with her heart.

"Hello?" She hears the too familiar voice, she bites back tears.

"_Jesse_?"  


* * *

**So what did you think? I actually had a lot of fun writing this chapter :)  
Reviews are my daily dose of crack... **


	6. 005: Everything That You Needed

**A/N: I decided to write this chapter entirely from Jesse's POV.  
Enjoy lovelies!  


* * *

**Jesse was broken away from his studies to Hello offensively filling the room. He sighs, reaching for his phone. Staring at the new yet somehow familiar number. He frowns, pressing accept and placing the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" He asks dubiously.

"_Jesse_?" His breath catches in his throat as he hears the familiar voice of Rachel Berry.

"Rachel." He breathes out, barely above the whisper. He can hear the girl sniffling into the phone.

He waits for her to speak, he wants to ask her (really more like beg her) what was wrong. He knew the girl almost better than he knew himself and she was upset, why else would she have called him when she hadn't replied to any of his emails. He still waits for her to speak.

"I'm- I'm sorry, this was mistake. I won't call again." The girl says, her voice quivering slightly before Jesse was greeted to the cruel sound of the dial tone, indicating she had hung up on him.

He sighs and shuts his phone. He wants nothing more than to throw it across his dorm room and go into a diatribe about how this life is full of injustice and how, even when it's clear, two people belong together they still cannot be lovers, yet he stops himself. He wasn't in high school and the diva thing was last year anyways.

"_I'm in love!_" Jesse looks up as his friend Adam walks into Jesse's dorm room, slamming the door shut dramatically and clutching his heart.

He had meet Adam the orientation week and they hit it off. Despite being polar opposites. Where Jesse was broody, confident and selective. Adam was loud, if not even obnoxious at times, appeared to fall in _love_ far too easily and seemed to not take anything too seriously, including his studies (which Jesse took very seriously).

"Who's the lucky girl this time?" Jesse sighs and Adam flops down onto Jesse's bed, staring at the boy across from him.

"Annabelle. She is perfect. Smart, beautiful, doesn't talk much and isn't afraid to get dirty."

"Annabelle who?" Jesse asks, raising an eyebrow. Adam shrugs.

"I don't know her last name and she doesn't know mine. That's the beauty of this relationship!" Adam exclaims, winking at Jesse who in return rolls his eyes.

"What happened to that other girl. Jasmine or Jacqueline or whatever her name was."

"Jade, it turned out, we weren't soul mates. I've got a feeling about this one St James."

"You might want to learn her last name first." Jesse mutters under his breath. Adam rises from the bed and leans over the desk, staring at Jesse's phone.

"Who was that on the phone? You looked like you wanted to throw it when I walked in and than go into one of your dramatic rants. Bitter ex?" He asks curiously, Jesse stares at his phone.

"You could say that." Jesse mutters, Adam barely hears him but lets out a whistle.

"Whoa this chick must have left you scarred big time. Jesse St James doesn't let girls affect him, especially his ambitions. That is one of the first things you said to me at orientation. She must be someone special."

"You have no idea." Jesse replies.

When Adam wasn't looking (too busy trying to find nude photos of a young Elizabeth Taylor online) he makes sure to save Rachel's number.

He of course makes sure to save a star next to her name.

_'Because metaphors are important' _she always told him when they were together. He can't help but smile.

He hoped she still placed a gold star next to her name because that girl was going to be a star, if anyone was going to make it in that one horse town, it was Rachel Barbra Berry and if it turns out she doesn't in fact make it.

Well than life with cruel certainty was full of injustice.

* * *

He had built UCLA so much up in his mind, especially when he received the full scholarship (with Shelby's assistance of course). He believed it to be this magical place where all your dreams come true and all the sacrifice and hard work you put into everything would finally pay off.

After being there for little over a semester, he realized that maybe dreams aren't all they are cracked up to be.

Most the people here were just like the ones he left behind in Ohio. They either didn't have any dreams and if they did weren't they as big as Jesse's. They would be happy with just finishing the gruelling four years of College and than maybe going into their respective fields, that is if something didn't come up along that line.

The classes were harder than he expected. He had always gotten stellar grades at school. Not just because he was the star of Vocal Adrenaline but because he worked hard, he worked hard in everything he did (except relationships he learnt) but these classes were difficult.

And for once he wasn't the best at everything he did. He didn't receive constant praise from his peers and teachers like he had at Carmel.

There were people at UCLA just as talented as him and just as hard working. He had to sometimes even struggle to keep up with everyone else. Some of the students here even already had Broadway or film experience. Something that had taken Jesse aback, he had honestly believed that he would come to UCLA and once again be the golden boy of the drama department.

In a way he still was but unlike at Carmel, there were other golden boys also.

He would never admit this to anyone but UCLA had been a humbling experience. He learnt that he couldn't be the best at everything he attempted to do. He also learnt that he had no talent when it came to writing plays. It was something he had never attempted before and to receive a mere 70% on his last exam, it had made him more modest and made him realize that perhaps he wasn't as perfect as he originally thought he was.

_'Nobody at UCLA keeps score of who you are. They just want to see what you do'_ these had been the first words spoken to them during their freshmen orientation. It had shocked Jesse. His talent was apart of who he was, it defined everything about him. He built himself up around his talent.

He also learnt that his College Professors had no interest in who he was or what he had achieved, they had rather just seen what he could do and how strong his skills already were and build around that.

Jesse St James had always thought College would be the best experience of his lifetime.

He soon learnt that he had perhaps left the best experience of his life behind him, in Ohio with a broken heart and broken egg shells.

* * *

"Jesse!" He inwardly cringed as he heard a far too familiar female voice yell his name as he walked through the large quad area of UCLA. He attempted to pretend like he didn't hear her but you can only ignore the likes of Catherine Edwards for too long.

"Jesse! I was calling your name." She stated angrily when she finally caught up with the boy. He looks at her indifferently.

"Sorry my mind was somewhere else. Did you want something?" He asks coolly and she smiles sneakily at him.

"I haven't seen you around much."

"I haven't been around. If you don't mind Catherine I have things to do." Jesse said coldly, not looking at the pretty brunette.

"I think we should start hooking up again." Catherine had never been one for delicacy. Jesse looks at her with an incredulous look on his face.

They had met at Freshmen orientation and soon began a purely sexual relationship. Jesse needed to forget about Rachel for a short time and Catherine was there and willing. He ended things when Catherine started talking about picnics and meeting her family, something Jesse had never dealt well with. The only person he had only ever been committed to was Rachel and it would only always be Rachel.

"Your kidding me right?" He realizes how cruel it sounds when Catherine looks at him with a hurtful expression but she quickly hides it behind a devious smile.

"Come on we had fun." Her voice lowering an octave, no doubt to try and sound more seductive and not exactly succeeding.

"I have to focus on my studies Catherine. Sorry, find someone else." Jesse says, straightening himself up and brushing past her. He hears her mutter something under her breath but doesn't bother to try and decipher what she had called him.

He should have known Catherine would be nothing but trouble from the start. Girls always get attached, especially to _him_.

But when your lonely and heartbroken you often make regretful choices.

* * *

The next day he was sitting in his room when once again Adam barges into his room. Jesse glances up his tall friend from his bed but says nothing, going back to his reading's. Adam clears his throat.

"So can you please tell me why you turned down Catherine? The girl is gorgeous!"

"The girl is annoying." Jesse shoot backs, still not looking at his friend.

"You don't need to talk to her, what is with you? First your being all secretive about who called you and now you turn down one of the hottest girls on campus, I demand a reason man." Adam said, sitting on Jesse's bed and looking at him expectantly.

"It's nothing."

"Well clearly it's not nothing or you wouldn't be more dramatic and broody than usual. Who's heart did you break back in Ohio, St James?" Jesse angrily throws his book across the room. Adam looks a little stunned but doesn't flinch.

"Whoa, that was very unnecessary." He mumbles.

"She broke my heart," Jesse sighs and Adam looks shocked but nods his head "it originally just started out as an acting exercise but somewhere through it all. I fell in love with her, very hardly but I put my career and ambitions ahead of her. I hurt her, like _really_ hurt her."

"What physically or?" Adam asks, his interest peeking. The perfect St James had a few skeletons in his closet just like the rest of them.

"Emotionally mainly but I did lure her to a parking lot so my Vocal Adrenaline team mates could throw eggs at her and than I cracked an egg on her forehead. Trust me, it's something I'm not proud of. I felt like the scum of the earth after I did it."

"And she still talks to you? This girl must be the most forgiving person ever or something because no offence but if someone did that to me, I would never speak to them again."

"She isn't exactly talking to me. I've reached out to her but she barely replies. She was upset yesterday when she called and I know you may not believe me but the girl is more dramatic than I' am. She has a tendency to not think sometimes." Jesse explained.

"What's her name?"

"Rachel."

"Is she that little hottie in the photo with you? I understand why your pining after all, but seriously we need a game plan on how you can win this girl back. I don't like seeing my friends with shattered hearts and I'm pretty sure this little lady is sitting at home pining after you too."

"She has, well had, a boyfriend. That was always one of the biggest arguments in our relationship. She had feelings for someone else too. He wasn't nearly as talented or handsome but for some reason she liked him, maybe more so than I. I was never too sure with their relationship."

"Maybe she liked him for his modesty since _you_ highly lack that quality." Adam mumbled under his breath.

He ignored the glare that Jesse shot him.

* * *

He was sitting at his computer desk when his email notification flashes onto the screen. His heart skipping a beat as he clicks open. He smiles brightly when he sees Rachel username, this had been the first time she had emailed him without him emailing first.

Maybe she was starting to come around after all.

He quickly reads over the email, his heart sinking yet filling with elation at the same time.

_The worst part of myself misses you._

Jesse knew that Rachel didn't want to miss him, she wanted to be able to move on and be deliriously happy with Finn but they were kindred spirits.

They always brought the best out in one another. Even if no one else could see it, they could.

The worst parts of Rachel missed Jesse.

Just as the best parts of himself missed her.  


* * *

**So what did you think? This chapter was a little more difficult to write than the last few chapters.  
Remember reviews to me are like Rachel Berry's need for applause. I need them to live ;) **


	7. 006: It's Only Love

**A/N: The updates will be much slower come next week. Back to school for me :/  
Also sorry it took longer than usual to post this chapter. This not so clever little cookie, managed to cut her finger open with a cheese grater, don't ask!  
Also ignore the grammatically errors in this chapter. I wrote this very late at  
Anyways enough of my ramblings enjoy….  


* * *

**"_Rachel_." She hears Jesse breath out, she feels the tears fall freely down her face. It felt like another lifetime ago since she heard his soothing voice. One of the official reviewers for National's weren't lying when they said his voice could melt butter.

All she wants is a glass of water. She hadn't felt this thirsty in a long time.

He doesn't say anything, she knows she is waiting for her to talk but suddenly hearing his voice brought back all the hurtful memories of how he treated her. She honestly thought he was different from everyone else around her, that he wanted to protect her from all the hurt she faced in the world.

Well as it turned out, he (and Shelby) hurt her more than anyone else he was protecting her from.

"I'm- I'm sorry, this was a mistake. I won't call again." Rachel mutters before hanging up the phone. She knows he would have tried to talk her out of hanging up if he managed to get in a word in.

She wasn't ready to let him in.

She felt relief and dread flood over her all at once as the final school bell for the day ring throughout the school. She needed to vacate before all the students started swarming the quad and see her still clad in her uniform or even worst what if she saw Santana or even Finn, she didn't feel like dealing with them right now.

Or if someone from Glee came looking for her when they realized she wasn't at rehearsal, but that was if they even noticed she wasn't in attendance in the first place.

Rachel hastily gathers her things and makes her way towards the parking lot, some students are already heading towards their cars but like always they do not notice the small brunette still clad in her rather heinous looking gym clothes.

* * *

She arrives homes, quite shocked to hear her father's talking in the kitchen. They were rarely home on a weekday, they worked late hours but occasionally they would both take the night off to rest or even watch a couple of Rachel's past videos.

Hurriedly she makes her way up the stairs, praying they don't follow her or notice she is back home from school so quickly and why she was still in her gym clothes when they knew she always changed after gym.

The first place she heads for is her computer, she excitedly opens the laptop yet her heart sinks when she sees no new email notifications. She was certain that Jesse would have emailed after her dramatic phone call to him today.

_Maybe_ he didn't care about her as much as she originally thought?

_Maybe_ he was off with some experienced and supplicated college girl?

Or _maybe_ he was just extremely busy with all his school work?

She prayed the third rationale was the actual reason as to why he hadn't bothered to email her after today's events. She slumps slightly in her computer chair.

"Rachel honey?" She inwardly flinches and glances up, not shocked to see both her father's standing in her doorway, looking at her worriedly.

Usually when they were home early, the first thing Rachel does is rush into where they are residing and eagerly discuss the plans for the night ahead, yet today she hadn't bothered to even greet them hello.

"Why are you still in your gym clothes?" Leroy Berry asks, looking at their small daughter suspiciously.

Rachel shrugs and says nothing. She was praying this moment wouldn't come. She had avoided discussing the bullying at school with them since her fifth year when the boys regularly threw their milks at her when she wasn't looking or suspecting it.

"I didn't have time to change." She finally mutters.

"More importantly why aren't you at Glee?" Hiram asks, his concern rising. Their daughter never missed a glee rehearsal.

"I didn't feel like going today."

"What is wrong honey, first you come home and don't even rush into greet us hello and than we find you up here still clad in your gym clothes and skipping on Glee practice. Are you still lethargic over Finn?" Leroy asks gently as they both step into Rachel's pink room, she has had this coloured room since she was four years old. They had spent the weekend painting it this colour.

"It's not Finn," Rachel whispered more to herself than to them.

"Than what is it? Where are your regular clothes?" Rachel finally looks at her father's. She sucks in a breath and slowly rises from her computer chair.

"Some of the popular girls put my clothes into the toilets at school," she finally admitted, biting back the tears, she hated crying in front of her father's, they panicked and would bring numerous glasses of water up to her, despite the fact she was feeling quite thirsty as of now "I stood up to one of them today and she said she would put my clothes in the toilet, I didn't think she meant it. I mean we are in Glee club together. I thought we were a family." Rachel confessed quietly.

_They are a family. I'm just not apart of it_ she thought sulkily to herself but didn't dare say it aloud.

"Is this the first instance like this?" Leroy asks gently, Rachel looks away and shakes her hair.

"No. Though this is the first time they have done something like that. Usually the jocks just throw slushies in our faces or write rude things on our locker." She admits. Both her father's exchange saddened glances.

"How long has this been going on for? Since you joined glee?"

"Since roughly about the fifth grade." Rachel said. She watches as Leroy eyes narrow and straightens up angrily, Hiram places a comforting hand on his chest to soothe him.

"It is actually why Kurt left McKinley. One jock was bullying him very harshly. He even threatened his life."

"That nice fashionable boy who has been around here a few times?" Rachel nods her head.

"If you don't mind, I'd very much like to be alone now." Rachel whispers quietly. Hiram and Leroy exchange worried glances but nod their heads.

"Would you like us to bring you a glass of water?" Leroy asks.

"I'm not thirsty." Rachel replies.

She watches as they both walk out of the room, shutting the door gently behind them. Rachel walks over to her bed, leaning down and reaching for a precious white box beneath the bed, pulling it out and than proceeding to pull out the glass goblet, she stares at the large gold star that rest in the centre.

She _hated_ Shelby. She had never really used that word to associate with her biological mother but in this moment she hated her. Because of Shelby something amazing had been brought into her life and than so suddenly it had been ripped away from her.

Rachel was tempted to throw the glass across the room and watch it smash into tiny little pieces, much like how heart felt after everything she had been put through.

Yet instead she clutched the glass tightly to her chest and hummed_ 'Poker Face' _softly to herself.

It wasn't much comfort but it was _something_.  


* * *

  
Rachel was sitting cross legged on her bed intently watching _The Way We Were_ when her ring tone tediously fills the room. She sighs and glances down, frowning when she sees Kurt's number flashing across the screen.

"Yes Kurt? I'm in the middle of a Barbra marathon." She answers, not hiding the annoyance in her voice.

"You must have had a rough day. Let me guess, The Way We Were?" Kurt replies, a small laugh in his voice. While he was at McKinley he never laughed or smile, ever since he transferred, he couldn't stop smiling or laughing about something.

"Exceedingly rough. Santana and her minions thought it would be funny to put my clothes in the toilet during gym class." She replies, slumping into her pillows.

"Are you sure they won't doing you a favour. The world could use a lot less Rachel Berry sweaters and knee socks."

"_Kurt_." Rachel replies warningly, pausing the movie.

"Alright sorry. Finn came home today and mentioned over dinner how you weren't in glee today so I knew something was up. You never miss a glee rehearsal. No matter how badly Mr. Shue peeves you off." Kurt said, concern entering his voice.

"I just couldn't face them today Kurt. Santana especially, surely by now she would have bragged to everyone about what she did and they are always on her side. I'm too annoying for them." Rachel said quietly, the previous emotions flooding over her.

"Yeah but nobody _likes_ Santana either Rache, we tolerated her. We _feared_ her. Your not cruel like her. Keep it that way. Extremely competitive yes, beyond annoying at times is a definite, painstakingly talent is another check on that list, but your not cruel and you never will be. You aren't tough, Santana is. I honestly wouldn't worry about them Rachel, someday they will be begging for your autograph and/or working for you."

"Since when did you become so wise Mr. Hummel?" Rachel teased into the phone. Suddenly feeling much better. She hears Kurt sigh into the phone.

"Since I ran away. Don't be a coward like me Rachel, stay strong. Prove your better."

"You didn't run Kurt. Your life was threatened at that school. You merely did what you had to in order to protect yourself. No sees you as a coward, especially Glee club." Rachel said quietly.

"Can I come around tomorrow? I want to discuss something with you." Kurt asks, Rachel rolls her eyes.

"No Kurt we are not having a bonfire in my backyard by burning all my clothes. We've discussed this previously."

"As much as I want to see that day come Rachel, this is much more critical. How does 11 sound for you?" Rachel frowns deepens but shakes her head.

"11 sounds perfect."

"See you then. I need to go now. New Zealand's Next Top Model is on, I just adore their accents, plus tonight is the night one of the girls hyperventilate when they go to cut her hair off. I cannot miss this episode!" Kurt says before hanging up.

Rachel chuckles lightly to herself, she often wondered if Kurt was more of a female than she was.

* * *

When Kurt finally arrives the next day (it was already 11:05) Rachel was in her room, vaguely practicing the imaginary ballet scene between Laurey and Curly in Oklahoma! She hears Kurt clear his voice, Rachel opens her eyes and smiles at Kurt.

"Come in."

"What was that? Because it vaguely resembled the ballet scene in Oklahoma." Kurt said, plopping himself down onto Rachel's bed. Rachel smiled brightly at him.

"You are honestly the only person who has every gotten that."

"Not even St James?" Kurt asks impressed with himself. Rachel stiffens at the mention of his name but says nothing, she is praying Kurt didn't notice.

"No." She finally says.

"Huh that actually shocks me."

"You said you had something important to discuss." Rachel says, attempting to change the subject. She sits next to Kurt. He looks at her.

"Oh I've realized it's nothing." Kurt says flitting his wrist and turning away from Rachel, who in returns rolls her eyes.

"_Really_?" She asks debatably.

"Fine, not really. I lost my nerve ok. Anyone can act brave over a phone." He muttered and Rachel chuckled.

"Kurt Hummel nervous about something? This must be major. I need to know now. You cannot leave me in the dark like this! I will get no sleep tonight because I was awake wondering what it is that you are so shy about admitting to even me, does Mercedes know? This will kill her if I know something about you that she doesn't-"

"Rachel stop being so dramatic and listen to me." Kurt says cutting the girl off. She stares at Kurt wide eyed before nodding her, pretending to zip her mouth shut.

"Fear wasn't the only reason I ran away from McKinley. I mean it was the major contributing factor yes but also not the sole reason."

"Go on." Rachel pressed, leaning forward immersed in what he was about to tell her.

"Just before I transferred, Karofsky pushed me into the locker and I don't know, something inside of me snapped so I went to confront him in the locker room and," Kurt said quietly, Rachel eyes widened.

"And what?" She asks quietly, dreading what Kurt was going to tell her next. Maybe Karofsky had actually physically hurt Kurt and he was too afraid to admit it.

"He kissed me." Kurt finally admitted. Rachel's mouth fell open and hurriedly shut again.

"I'm sorry, did I hear this correctly. He- _he kissed you_?" Rachel asks, her voice growing in pitch. Kurt nods.

"He also went to kiss me again but I pushed him away. Dave Karofsky was my first official kiss. This world is truly ironic." Kurt stated bluntly.

"So does this mean he is?"

"I honestly don't know. I got Blaine to talk to him. He is so much better at those things than I and Karofsky turned into an ape and threatened Blaine, I don't know if he is in fact gay or merely confused or just something but I couldn't face him Rachel. Not because he was without fail threatening me but also because every time I looked at him I flashed back to the locker and I realized that he would forever be my first kiss and it killed me. That was suppose to mean something you know? Not some awkward locker room kiss from a confused adolescent boy." Rachel grabs Kurt's hand comfortingly, smiling sadly at him.

"Love isn't a very nice feeling." She mutters.

"Nor is confusion."

Rachel stares at Kurt. The boy had just poured his heart out to her. _Her_ of all people, no one had ever done that before. Usually it was her sobbing on someone's shoulder. No one had ever confided in her something so major before, not even or Jesse. She felt her heart swell for the boy. Maybe she had finally found someone to confide into? Someone who wasn't a romantic interest, maybe just a _friend_?

"I've been _sort of_ talking to Jesse." She mutters out before she can stop herself. Kurt looks at her frowning before laughing.

"I'm sorry. I thought you just said you were sort of talking to Jesse. As in _Jesse St James_?" Kurt asks inquisitively. His diva persona returning slightly.

"Yes as in Jesse St James." She had most definitely dug herself a big hole now.

"What the hell Rachel? I mean honestly. Isn't the boy egging you or stealing regional's from us enough hurt? You have to let him hurt you again."

"I can't help Kurt. I'm drawn to him. He is the only person I've met who is just like me, who accepted me for who I' am."

"But Finn-" Rachel shushes Kurt.

"Finn never accepted me as I' am Kurt. He always tried to change me. Tone me down. Jesse never did that, he took me as I came."

"He egged you in front of all his friends Rachel!"

"And in case you don't remember, so did _Finn_. Before he joined glee club. He and his football hooligans would regularly throw drive by eggs at me, he often slushied me in the face and those boys threw _pee balloons_ at you! Even when I was with him, he never defended me. In fact when Santana teased me about my attire, Finn laughed_ with them_. If there was one thing Jesse never did, he never laughed at me. Not cruelly anyway. We all have that one person in ours lives we are continuously drawn to Kurt, we can't explain it but it is there and sometimes it is so painful you want to force it away but it's always there! I_ hate_ that I'm so drawn to him, I really do. He hurt me beyond comprehension but so has everyone else, why is he treated so harshly by _everyone_?" Rachel fumed, Kurt stared at her wide eyed before whistling.

"I never thought you had such a passionate rant about love inside of you Rachel. I have to admit I'm impressed." Kurt admitted, patting her sarcastically on the back. She glowered at him.

"Do not tell Finn or Mercedes. Ok especially Mercedes because that girl cannot keep her mouth shut about anything, especially when it comes to romantic gossip. I'm begging you Kurt."

"You have my honour. I swear on my one of a kind D & G hand bag." Kurt said seriously, Rachel nodded and smiled at him.

"Why did you choose me to tell about what happened between you and Karofsky?" She asks quietly.

"Because you have no one to tell it too."

"Thanks Kurt." Rachel spoke sarcastically.

"And because your trustworthy believe it or not and stop trying to change the subject. You really like St James that much?"

Rachel shrugs "I honestly don't know but there is something about him I cannot turn away." She admitted. Kurt shrugged.

"The heart wants what the hearts wants right?"

"I guess so. It's the one organ I cannot control with a proper diet."

Kurt chuckled to himself "I really need to go Rachel. I promised Blaine we would catch Burlesque." He said before rising off the bed.

"I went to the midnight screening. I surprisingly enjoyed it." Rachel informed him. Kurt nodded.

"Good luck with everything, I truly believe that you deserve to be happy and I'll support you no matter what. Even if no body else does." Kurt informed her.

"Same goes for you Kurt." Rachel whispered as the boy walked out of the room.

Rachel rose from her spot on the bed and sat at her computer chair. Hurriedly connecting to the internet. She needed to do this before lost her nerve and let her rational side take over once more.

_The worst part of myself misses you. _

She hastily wrote Jesse the email, closing her eyes and holding her breath as she clicked send. She let out the breath when she saw send flash onto the screen.

She closes her eyes and prays she just didn't make the biggest mistake of her life.

* * *

Rachel jumped when not even had five minutes had passed before she heard the loud sound of a new email notification flash onto the screen. She clicks open, biting back a smile as she reads over the email. Her heart sinking and swelling at the same time and pounding furiously into her chest.

_Cause I wonder where you are_  
_And I wonder what you do_  
_Are you somewhere feeling lonely_  
_Or is someone loving you_  
_Tell me how to win your heart_

Of course he would choose Lionel Richie, that was their song. It had been from the very moment in the music store. That fateful day when they had met. She smiles wistfully to herself.

"For I haven't got a clue. But let me start by saying. _I love you_." Rachel mutters quietly to herself before shutting her laptop down.

She would face her_ heart_ tomorrow.

* * *

"Rachel could you please come in here, your dad and I would like to discuss something with you." Rachel heard Hiram call from the dining room. She watches as the trashy reality show _Toddlers & Tiara's _flash onto the screen. Her father's had never been that pushy, she had been the one who had insisted on getting her nails done and her teeth whitened at four years old. These parents were merely crazy.

She rose and walked into the dining room. She frowns when she sees her father's sitting at the dining room. Concerned expressions on their faces.

Fear rushes through her, maybe they had found about Jesse and were hear to lecture her about the mistake she was making talking to that boy and he would only hurt her again. She wasn't as stupid. She was treating this with caution this time, and she would rationally explain this to them.

"May I enquire as to what this discussion is about?" Rachel asks, her voice breaking from the nerves.

"We want to discuss the bullying with you sweetheart, take a seat." Hiram said, motioning to the seat across from them. Rachel moves and sits down across from them.

"We feel terrible that we hadn't seen the signs of you being bullied before. Your father and I had read so many books about teenagers yet we ignored the signs, we feel awful." Leroy began slowly.

"Don't feel bad dad! I was too afraid to tell you. It's my fault."

"Our point is Rachel that no child deserves to be bullied, especially one as unique as yourself. Your father and I stayed up last night discussing it and we think we have come across a viable option." Hiram said gently. Rachel frowns, maybe they were going to hire an exclusive body guard to follow her around school. It would be good practice for when she became so famous she needed a 24/7 bodyguard.

"Your hiring me a bodyguard?" Rachel asks happily. Trying to hide the giddiness out of her voice. Leroy and Hiram exchange a confused glance.

"No sweetie." Leroy said gently, Rachel sunk into her chair.

"Than what?"

"Well as fate would have it, everything has fallen into place for us." Leroy said, sharing a proud smile with Hiram.

"Such as?" Rachel asks, frowning even more so.

"We think it would be a wise choice if we transfer you to Carmel High School."  


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**So what did you think? This chapter is quite long and I spent alot of time writing it :)  
Also remember my lovely readers. Reviews are my applause... **


	8. 007: Careful With My Heart

**A/N: I decided to post this chapter very quickly after the last chapter because I kind of left you guys with an evil cliff hanger there and it's not really fair to leave you all.  
Enjoy my lovely readers!  


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_"We think it would be a wise choice if we transfer you to Carmel High School." _

Rachel stared at her father's dumbfounded before shaking her head in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, I thought you said you wanted me to transfer to Carmel high?"

Leroy and Hiram nod their heads "it is a school much suited to your needs and since certain people have left, there is no reason to not transfer you there. You would thrive in their show choir Rachel." Hiram explained gently.

Her mind drifted back to Kurt about what he had said about not running away, standing strong and proving your better than them but eventually they will break you and she could feel she was close to that breaking point.

"What if I don't wish to transfer?" She asks quietly, not looking at both of them. They exchange confused glances.

"But honey you are unhappy at McKinley, you would be much happier at Carmel. It is a school much better fitted to you than McKinley." Leroy argued. Rachel bit her lip and frowned lightly.

She knew that Vocal Adrenaline was a show choir that was actually worthy of her talents yet she knew how cruel they were, after all they had egged her in a parking lot, what if it was no different there? Than she would have to deal with being the new girl as well as the odd outsider.

"What if I don't fit in there either?"

"My boss is quite good friends with the Principal of Carmel. We spoke with him last night while you were up stairs, he is willing to let you have a trial day on Monday. Just promise us that you'll go on Monday and give it a shot, you never know, you might love it."

Abruptly her mind drifted back to Sunshine. She was now at Carmel High and the new star of Vocal Adrenaline. If she went there, Sunshine would no doubt tell them how Rachel sent her to a (inactive, a fact everyone seems to forget) crack house. They would either ostracize her more than she was at McKinley or welcome her with opening arms. Either she would be forced to once again share the spotlight with the tiny Asian.

"I'll give it an audition but I'm not promising anything." Rachel said, straightening herself up.

"That's all we are asking honey." Hiram said, smiling sadly at her. She returned the smile.

"Can I go watch Toddlers & Tiara's now?" She asks quietly.

"I honestly don't know why you like that show so much but of course you can Princess." Leroy said, letting out a small laugh.

Rachel rose from her seat at the dining table and made her way into the living room. Falling down onto the lounge and watching Toddlers & Tiara's once more. Though she was hardly paying attention to the absurd parent's, her mind somewhere else.

Kurt had left McKinley and he honestly appeared much happier with himself and his life. He actually had friends at Dalton and a possibly love interest in Blaine (though she had seen on Facebook that Blaine appeared to be crushing on someone else). Truthfully all she wanted was to be happy, to not have to take a spare change of clothes to school every day in fear of getting slushied or something else equally horrible happening to her. To not see pornographic pictures of herself on the toilets stalls, to not have nasty comments thrown at her through Facebook and MySpace anymore, to actually belong to a group and be accepted for who she was. To have her talent truly appreciated like it would be at Carmel. She would much rather be accepted than constantly ridiculed for not falling into the sporting hierarchy of McKinley High School.

She sinks lower into the couch, staring blankly into the television screen. She sighs, before turning off the television.

There was only one person who could understand her pain right now.

She walks up to her bedroom, falling into her computer chair and clicking into her emails. She sucks in a breath. She still hadn't replied to Jesse's last email and it was due time she kept pulling him in and than pushing him away again. It wasn't fair to both of them to always play with one another's hearts.

She wasn't an immature fifteen year old anymore. She was slowly becoming a mature sixteen year old.

_I've made up my mind that I'm gonna let you in _  
_And I'm not afraid to say what I have to say_  
_This is gonna hurt if it ever ends_  
_But somehow you have shattered my defence_  
_This is gonna hurt if it ever starts_  
_So promise you'll be careful with my heart_

Rachel sighs as she clicks sends, closing her eyes. The lyrics were far too accurate to describe her current predicament.

Jesse hadn't been careful with her heart last time.

She prayed her would be this time.

Because all in all, she wasn't too sure that she could survive that kind of heartache again.

* * *

Jesse felt happiness soar through him as he saw '1 new email' flash on his computer screen. He didn't think twice about clicking open, his breath quickening as he read over Rachel's email.

_I've made up my mind that I'm gonna let you in _

That first opening line alone made him feel like the world had brightened, like a major burning spotlight had suddenly shown down upon them both once more, the audience cheering and clapping over the fact the two destined lovers were making their way back into each other's loving embrace.

He hurriedly wrote a reply, praying that she said yes to his next request.

* * *

Within minutes Rachel received a reply from Jesse, she clicked open and reading over his quickly written email.

_May I call you? I wholeheartedly understand if you say no but it would be so magnificent to hear your voice again and to not have you hang up in a panic. _

She bites her lip, she wanted nothing more than to hear his soothing voice once again. To tell him everything that had happened in the past months that they hadn't spoken. She had so much to tell him, about everything. Her break up with Finn, her newfound friendship with Kurt, her father's wanting to transfer her to his old alumni and how she even stood up to Santana.

_Yes._

Is all she writes back.

She wait's a few minutes, concentrating on the computer rather than her phone which suddenly starts ringing. Rachel feels herself jump and glance at the phone, sucking in a breath. She contemplated not answering in fear of what she would say.

The phone continues to ring, she takes in another deep breath. She had said Jesse could call her and she wasn't one to go back on a promise. She hesitantly picks up the phone and clicks on the answer button, she waits for Jesse to speak.

"It took you long enough to answer the phone." She smiles to herself, his voice had always had a soothing effect on her, especially when she was at a crisis.

"Sorry, it was in my bathroom." She lies and she knows that Jesse would be able to tell when she was lying, he knew her better than she knew herself at times.

"Sure it was." He shoots back, followed by an awkward silence. Rachel looks nervously around the room, not exactly sure on what to say or do.

"Well I didn't expect it to be this honest. I suppose emailing is a lot easier than speaking on the phone." Jesse admitted. She could picture him, he was no doubt running his hand nervously through his perfect curls, he always did when he was agitated or unsure of what to do (though that rarely happened).

"Neither did I to be honest. I don't really know where to begin." Rachel mumbles back. She can hear his perfect laboured breathing the phone and she closes his eyes. She wonders if he smells the same, he always smelt good.

"Are you still with what his name, Hudson?" Jesse asks suddenly. Rachel frowns, of course he would launch into the most awkward subject first. Jesse St James was not one for subtly.

"No I' am not." Rachel replies firmly, not letting any emotion creep into her voice.

"What happened there?"

"He slept with Santana when you and I were together and lied about it. Saying he was still a virgin. I was so angry at him during the time that I made out with Puck. I confessed everything to him and he broke up with me. Despite the fact he promised he never would." Rachel admitted.

"So he slept with the slutty cheerleader and yet he dumps you?" Jesse asks in disbelief, you would have to be insane to willingly give up the likes of Rachel Berry.

"I suppose so." Rachel replies with a shrug. She didn't like to think about it. First she was humiliated over the whole Santana fiasco and than he leaves her crushed in the middle of hallway.

"He asked to get back together just the other day."

"What did you say?"

"No. I need to find the old Rachel, the one I was with before you."

"I never changed you."

"No you just broke my _heart_ instead." Jesse sighs into the phone, he knew that large purple elephant would eventually come into conversation, he wasn't expecting it to happen so suddenly though.

"You broke mine too Rache." Jesse replies quietly.

"I at least didn't crack an egg across your forehead." Rachel shoots back, her anger that she thought was long forgotten towards him suddenly resurfacing.

"Peer pressure is an ugly thing, you know this best of all Rachel. You gave into peer pressure with _Run Joey, Run_ by triple casting me, you wanted so badly to look popular that you put my feelings in complete disregard, in fact not just my feelings but also Finn's, Puckerman's and god even Quinn's. You can be just as selfish too." Jesse said quietly, trying to keep his voice even.

"We were toxic together in the end." Rachel mumbles more to herself than to him.

"No we were always good together Rachel. We merely let everyone else help us destroy one another. Look how perfect we were when no one else was around us, just you and I in your room. Making out, singing or watching movies. We were good then." Jesse argued.

"I finally told my dads about the bullying." Rachel said suddenly, hoping this would change the uncomfortable topic she wasn't ready to delve into just yet.

"You should have told them a long time ago." Jesse states simply. She smiles as she hears the pride in his voice, he had been pressuring her to tell her father's about the constant bullying since they first got together and Jesse witnessed Rachel getting slushied in the hallway.

"I was never that brave before."

"What did they suggest?"

"That I should transfer to Carmel." Rachel mutters out hurriedly, praying Jesse didn't hear her properly.

"I'm sorry but I thought you said your father's wanted to transfer you to Carmel." Rachel could hear the disbelief and laughter in his voice.

"You heard right."

"Carmel is no better Rachel. Trust me I would know."

"Anything would be better than McKinley. At least they have a successful and trained show choir. They would appreciate my talent."

"Yes Vocal Adrenaline is all those things and I know they would appreciate your talent but you have a passion for music Rachel and I can assure you if you went to Vocal Adrenaline you would quickly lose that passion, do you really want to become a soulless automaton like I was in the end?" Jesse argued.

"It would be better than being under appreciated."

"No I don't think so. Passion is the strongest emotion you can have in this world, aside from hate and love but passion comes with those. Don't let anyone take your passion for music away from you. It's what makes your performances so mind blowing, you can practically see your fervour radiating through your voice. Vocal Adrenaline would steal that and mould it into what they wanted."

"They took away your passion?" Rachel asks quietly.

"Yes and no."

"I wouldn't fit in there anyway. Not after what I did to Sunshine."

"What in the hell is Sunshine?"

"Sunshine is a girl. She was originally a transfer student to McKinley. She is extremely talented, perhaps almost as good as I with some professional training. She tried out for our Glee club though I kind of scared her away." Rachel explained slowly.

"And how did you manage to do that?" Jesse asks, genuinely interested.

"First of we had a sing off in the bathroom and than I gave her the wrong address to where the auditions would be held."

"Where did you send her?"

"A crack house. Though it was inactive but everyone seems to look past that point. They just see the crack house bit. To be honest Jesse, I don't think anyone has forgiven me for it either."

Jesse was a silent for a moment and she worries that perhaps Jesse is mad at her too. She was adamant that if anyone could understand why she did what she did, it would be Jesse. He was a ruthless as her when it came to securing their spotlight. He had most definitely proved that when he choose his Vocal Adrenaline team mates over her.

She jumps when she suddenly hears Jesse start to laugh through the phone, she hadn't heard him laugh in a long time and she honestly forgot how melodious it truly was.

"That is utter brilliance!" He exclaims finally, the laughter still in his voice.

"Well no one else seemed to think so."

"Yet why would Vocal Adrenaline hate you? Wouldn't they thank you for keeping an almost equally talented girl out of your show choir?"

"Because she is now the new star of Vocal Adrenaline and if I went there, she would most definitely tell everyone what I did to her."

"They would still thank you, trust me Rache. I know those people better than they think. I was their king once remember? If anything because of that fact alone and of course your unbelievable talent they would welcome you with open arms."

"Yet you still don't want me to transfer?"

"It would kill me to see you turn into myself." Jesse mutters.

"Maybe being heartless wouldn't be so bad. I mean mine is constantly charged into the ground." Rachel argues, a childish tone in her voice, she hears Jesse sigh.

"Don't ever lose your heart Rachel Berry, it's what makes you so amazing."

"Well I'm glad at least one person thinks so."

Jesse sighs once more "Look I really have to go, I have a lot of studying to get through. Trust me I would much rather stay on the phone and speak with you but alas my school work must be done. Do you mind if we text though? That is easier than speaking on the phone."

"I don't mind. I don't really have anyone else to talk to." Rachel replies, trying to keep the sadness out of her voice yet she knows Jesse can hear it.

"Well now you do. I will text you later Barbra. Enjoy your day." Jesse replied before she is greeted to the cold dial tone.

She clutches the phone to her chest and bites her lip.

Talking to Jesse had always soothed her. It seemed he always knew what to say and how to say it. She had never had that emotional connection with Finn, if she ever had a probably, it usually turned into an argument between the two of them. With it ending by Finn calling her selfish.

Jesse had never once called her selfish or any other berating names.

Yet somehow all the cruel things Jesse had ever done seemed to out rule any of the ridicule and hurt Finn had placed her through.

Rachel figures it's because Jesse stole her heart and than crushed it in his hands.

_And it never really healed_.  


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**So what did you think? Jesse and Rachel finally spoke.**

Remember reviews are lovely :)  
Thanks for reading!


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